Twenty-twenty really did a number on me creatively. I felt guilty trying to get myself out there and it felt selfish to write songs not about the pandemic and I did not want to write about the pandemic.
I did not want to ask for anything. I did not want to fight for attention. We were all going through a lot. I just wanted to support my songwriter and musician friends how I could, even if it was just having their online concert on in the background while I worked. I could request songs, throw an emoji their way and post nice comments with whatever tip I could give.
The first day of the lockdown was the first day of spring break for my grandkids, whom I had promised a spring break trip to. If you know me, you know I take being a dad and grandpa pretty seriously and I take fun trips with family very seriously. It was not an option to renege on my promise.
Also, my daughter was now out of a job. She could use the time to look for work and stress out on her own without having the extra weight of two kids at home to feed, entertain and comfort.
I drove from Austin, TX to Norman, OK, which is about four hundred miles. I picked the kids up to take them to Austin. Since the pandemic was new and of course I was very nervous, I decided to take back roads on the way home as to not be in traffic and therefore maybe be more exposed. Again, first day of lock down. Everything was scary and new.
I did however take somewhat of a gamble right off the bat. On the backroads we would be going through Pauls Valley, OK. They have an action figure museum. I had to at least do something fun with them and I figured day one of the lock down in a small town was the only opportunity I would get. There was no one in there but one employee, so it felt pretty safe. She had hand sanitizer on the counter, was wearing a mask and we kept a lot of distance in the transaction. We were there for about forty-five minutes and the worker got a call from her boss to close.
We left and drove to Austin and like most of us, I figured the kids would be going back to school in a week. They stayed with me for a while. I was so nervous to drive them back home. We tried homeschooling for a couple of days, but the school quickly decided it was a bad idea and just abandoned it.
I worked at home, so even though I did not know if that would continue, I was at least in an okay position for the moment.
We made forts, rode bikes, played games, made art, put together puzzles, ate way too much junk food, watched every kids movie, watched every kid series (Phenious and Ferb and KC Undercover are forever in my brain now) hell we even watched all the seasons of The Masked Singer. My grandson learned baby shark and the theme to Star Wars on piano and my granddaughter “played” my guitars a bunch.
During that time I had gotten deeper into meditation, just trying to find any peace of mind. I downloaded a guided meditation app, by Sam Harris. He also has a lot of interviews on there and I listened to one with James Clear, he wrote a book called Atomic Habits.
I am a sucker for “get your shit together” books. I pride myself in failing time and time again, but always hoping something will click and help me overcome my inability to get things done.
I liked what James Clear had to say, so I bought his book. I read it, then bought his planner. I used the planner for several months and then gave up on it. As usual, I was over-tracking. I am over-tracking now too, but I guess it is just what I do. However, pulling the journal out for the photo above, now I want to start it again! I am realizing the new system I have is more ridiculous than this as it involves jars and tiny little plastic chips. I wanted to be able to “see” the progress. I cannot share a photo of that whole system now out of embarrassment, but here’s the tray of plastic chips I use to fill jars.
I cannot tell you how many systems I have concocted over the years, even in early childhood. If you have a system that works, share it. Like I said, I am forever in search of a better way.
The one thread I find in most self-help books, even if it is buried because the author is not giving it enough credit, is the goal is the habit, not the outcome. I am a slow learner and it has taken me thirty years or more to hear this lesson.
In 2023, I really wanted to get serious about learning piano. I had dabbled for ten years, but not enough to really make much progress. Every time I would sit down to learn something, it was over-whelming. There is too much to learn.
At the beginning of 2023 I decided I would practice piano for thirty minutes a day at 8am. This later changed to 7am, but in 2023 I did not miss many days. Am I a decent player? No, not really, but I am much, much better than I was when I began.
More importantly, what has happened is something I truly love. I do not care how much I learn or progress. I do truly only care about doing it every day, ideally at the same time. I have expanded that to songwriting.
This has opened up many doors for me. Instead of being in my head about trying to find something to say, I just sit and write for a set amount of time and then I walk away. I do not judge it. I do not care what comes out. I just care about showing up.
I love it. I wish I had learned this approach in my youth. It would have made things much less stressful.
Twenty years ago, a friend gave me a book by jazz pianist Kenny Werner. I have physically read it ten or more times. I have also listened to the audio book even more times.
Every time I read it or listen to it, I find something new. Recently, the thing that stuck out to me is a question he once posed to famed pianist, Bill Evans. He asked Bill what he practices and Bill said, “the minimum”. Kenny expands on that, “not the least amount of time, but the least amount of material”. Do the smallest thing you can until it is mastered.
I used to hate practice, because it seemed like so much. It never dawned on me to utilize my ADD super powers and do something small and mindless over and over. That is why fidget spinners exist.
I have spent the last two months of my piano practice time meditating and playing the triad of C minor up and down the keys in all positions, at this point mostly with my eyes closed. I did not expect to do this for two months, but I still have not mastered it and it is so enjoyable just trying to completely lose myself in the simplicity of it. Last night some friends sent me some music stuff they were working on and I did this quick video showing them what I was doing. This is one hand of doing some of the C minor triad.
It is really the only two ideas I want to spend the rest of my life on. Show up every day, even if it is five minutes and work on the least amount as possible.
For a while I wondered if I would ever do another album. However, although the goal is the habit of showing up, I do think I have many more albums to come.
Xo This one was great.